Musical Soulmate
by Tinkerbellehnw
Summary: These are a bunch of Puckleberry one shots that keep popping up in my head. Changed the rating, since there's no real smut in here. Just a lot of f bombs. Pezberry friendship. Occasional Samtana/Brittana/Bike
1. Puckleberry Pancakes

Noah Puckerman walked out of his room, keeping a very close eye out for his mother, or worse, his grandmother. He needed to sneak some food back to his room and didn't want any questions. Unfortunately, he was caught just as he got to the stairs.

"Noah!" His mom, Debbie was the one who called him. "Good morning. How are you this morning?"

Uh oh, something's up. "Mornin' Ma, Nonna. What's up?"

"Oh, well I made pancakes this morning." The elder woman, Connie, told him. "I know my pancakes are your favorite. Sorry you missed them."

"Yeah, me too." He responded.

"We would have woken you up, but your door was locked." Debbie added. "Oh, and also we didn't want to wake Rachel up."

Busted. His mouth fell open causing a chuckle from both the women.

"We heard you sneak her in last night. You know, you used to be a lot better at that."

He looked in between them, wondering if he was about to get his ass kicked. Actually, he was more worried about Rachel, he'd seen what his mom had done to girls she found in his bed before.

"Calm down." His mother said. "You're not in trouble."

"I'm not?"

"No. Just try to be a little less obvious about it in the future. Sarah lives here too."

He stuttered, in absolute disbelief that he was getting off the hook.

"You're lucky we want you to marry that girl." Connie told him.

"I guess. Ma, you gotta be the only mother in the world who's actually happy that her son's girlfriend slept over."

"I didn't say I was happy." She clarified. "You're not married yet."

"We're still in high school!" He argued to deaf ears.

"But first off, I'm not an ordinary mother. Years of your grief have driven me crazy. Second, Rachel Berry is no ordinary girl. She's my future daughter-in-law."

"She's goin' to New York after we graduate."

"Like we don't know you've already planned on following her there." Connie rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. So, I'ma go wake her up. If your loud asses haven't already. We'll be down for breakfast soon."

"Language, Noah." His mother scolded him as he walked back to his room.

With his hand on the doorknob, he turned back to the women. "Hey Nonna?"

"Yes Bubeleh?"

"Not that it's gonna be anytime soon or anything, but once I got a job and can afford a house and all that crap, can I give Rachel your engagement ring?"

She smiled, and Puck legit thought his mom was going to cry.

"Of course, my Noah. Nothing would make me happier."

"Cool." He said, disappearing back into his room. He didn't know how, but Rachel was still sleeping. Guess he wore her out a little the night before. Puck crouched down beside her and rubbed his hand up and down her back. "Baby? Wake up."

Her eyelids fluttered and she inhaled deeply. "What?"

"We been busted."

She didn't open her eyes, but she scrunched her nose. "Hmm?"

"Ma and Nonna know you spent the night."

Her eyes flew open and she sat straight up and shrieked.

"Shhh. Damn, baby. They already know you're here, you want their minds jumpin' to the gutter."

"Noah, how do they know? They didn't come in here while we were asleep did they? I'm naked! Oh my God, your mom is going to call my dads and they're going to kill you. Worse, I'm going to have to do the walk of shame past them, knowing that they know what we did last night."

"Your walk of shame is worse than me dying?" He chuckled. "Gee thanks. Nice to know where your priorities are."

"This is not a joke! Your mother and grandmother are so very important to you that what they think of me means almost as much to me as you do. I don't want them to think I'm a harlot!"

"I'm sure they don't think that. I guess. What's a harlot?"

She groaned and jumped out of bed, grabbing clothes as she stomped around her room. He thought it was pretty damn funny, but he couldn't remember if he locked his door or not and his little sister loved Rachel. If she heard her voice and came into her room to find her naked, he'd never hear the end of it.

"Baby. Baby, Baby, chill." He grabbed her. "They're not mad. Actually, they almost seem happy. They wouldn't say so, but I'm pretty sure they're hopin' we're making little jews."

"No-ah." She whines. "I'm never going to be able to look either one of them in the face again. This is horrible."

"They love you. More than they love me probably. Hell, I bet you could smash every one of Ma's good china and she'd still want me to marry you."

"She wants me to marry you?"

He nodded

"Because I'm Jewish." 

He laughed. "That ain't the only reason."

She sighed and sat down on his bed, apparently giving that some thought.

"Now, get dressed and make yourself look like you haven't just been rolling around in bed. We gotta go downstairs and eat breakfast."

Her eyes got big again. "What!"

"Would you stop screaming! Damn, woman. My hearing function had gone down, like, at least fifty percent since we started dating."

"I cannot eat breakfast with them."

"Why not? You eat here all the time."

"Not when I'm aware that your mother and grandmother both know we're having sex, I don't."

He shook his head. "Well I done told them we would, so unless you wanna dissapoint them, you better get that hot ass presentable."

She glared at him. "This is all your fault." She grumbled, heading off to the bathroom. "You're not getting laid again until we graduate."

He knew that was crap, but let her throw her tantrum anyway, and when she kept her head down all through breakfast, he just laughed at her.


	2. Puck Daddy

Rachel Berry was in the last place she ever wanted to be while still in school. Actually, she didn't plan on being here until she was in her late 20s. After she had made a name for herself on Broadway. Then again, she'd also planned on remaining a virgin until she was 25. A relationship with Noah Puckerman changed all that. They'd been together four months now and she'd fallen in love with him so quickly, it was ridiculous.

"Thanks for convincing your dads to let it be just us here." Puck told her, pulling her out of her head.

"Don't thank me." She responded. "You already impregnated their daughter, I don't think them going to jail for murdering you would help matters." 

Rachel had read the positive pregnancy test exactly one week ago after being finally convinced by her best friend, Kurt Hummel that her three week late period might not be due to stress alone. Puck was with her and neither one of them spoke for almost an hour after she read the results. After much fighting (Rachel blamed him for seducing her, Puck told her he didn't hold a gun to her head and make her come back for more), crying (from both parties) and making up, they mustered up the courage to tell their parents. They started with Puck's mother, knowing she would be much more understanding. Even though it was awful that this was Puck's second time knocking a girl up before graduation, Debbie loved Rachel and even held her while she cried about how scared she was about becoming a mother. Telling Misters Berry was a different story, Rachel insisted it was better for her to do it alone but Puck told her that he was her man and her dads deserved respect. Wimping out of telling them he knocked their only daughter up was not an option. Although he really wanted to.

"Miss Berry?" A nurse walked into the room. "Your doctor will be with you shortly, I just wanted to go over some things about your medical history. Are you the father?" Puck nodded. "Good. I need some information from you as well."

After what seemed like an endless list of questions, the nurse left and Puck and Rachel were alone again.

"Hey Rach?" He said in a voice that sounded even more nervous than she'd heard from him this whole week. "I know this is the last thing in the world you wanted and I fucked all your dreams up before you even got out of Lima, but I swear to God, I will be the best father I possibly can. I will do _anything_ to take care of our kid, and you. And if you don't wanna keep it...that's cool with me. I don't like it, but I just want you to be happy. But I hope it's a girl. That has your eyes and your hot Jew nose and everything good about you, because God knows, anything good between us comes from you."

Rachel didn't answer for a moment, her mouth open slightly and her eyes on the wall. "Noah, that's not true. I really hate that you think that. And I know you'd take care of us, because you're not your father. You're wonderful, and I... I love you." 

And because the two of them have the worst luck in the world, the doctor chose that moment to walk into the room.

"Hello Miss Berry, I'm Doctor Bader, I don't believe we've met." She was a middle aged woman, seemingly friendly.

"Nice to meet you." She smiled, despite the nausea that she wasn't sure anymore was from the baby or her nerves. "This is my boyfriend Noah."

"Nice to meet you Noah. So, what I have here is an ultrasound machine. I'm going to put some of this gel on your abdomen and put this wand here over your uterus. It won't hurt at all and it should give us a look at what's going on."

Puck and Rachel nodded simultaneously

"Alright, let's get started. Lift your shirt up please. Good, now I'm going to put the gel on. It'll be cold."

Rachel flinched at the sensation and then felt Puck's hand envelope hers, calming her down. They both looked at the screen, having no clue what they were looking at. Dr. Bader moved the wand around Rachel's abdomen for a while and then turned the screen off.

"You took a home pregnancy test, correct?" She asked.

"Yes ma'am."

"How many?"

"Just one. Why? Is something wrong?"

She just chuckled a bit and pulled her gloves off. "Oh nothing at all. You're not pregnant. It was a false positive."

The two teens stared at her like she was speaking Mandarin.

"Now I don't usually pass judgement," She continued, "It's not my place. But being that you're both still in high school, I would consider this a good thing."

"Oh I do." Rachel responded quickly. "We do. You're sure?"

"Yes, dear, I'm sure."

She breathed a huge sigh of relief, Puck doing the same beside her.

"I can't believe I didn't take another test." She mumbled, mostly to herself. "I'm so stupid."

"No, you're not." The doctor assured her. "These things happen all the time. Do you have any questions for me?"

"You're really sure I'm not pregnant?"

"One hundred percent."

"So my dreams aren't ruined! I can still be Elphaba!"

This confused the doctor a little bit, and she looked at Puck, who just shrugged.

"She's gonna be huge someday."

She nodded, slowly. "O-kay. Well, if there's nothing else, you're free to go. You can sign out at the desk." 

"Thank you!" The doctor left and Rachel jumped off the table and into Puck's arms. "Oh my God, Noah, I've never been more relieved about anything in my whole life."

"Yeah, me too babe." He said. "Hey, uh, about what you said before the doctor came in..."

"Which part?"

He was almost upset. "Th...the love part. You've never said that to me before."

"Oh." She looked at the ground. "Well, you were being sweet and I thought we were having a baby together. It seemed like a good thing to say."

Now he was definitely upset. "So you didn't mean it?" Before she could answer, he cut her off. "Well that's just great because I actually do love you and I would have moved to New York with our kid just so you could have some part of that stupid dream of yours."

"Noah! I do love you. I'm sorry. Jeez, make me feel worse why don't you?"

"Oh." He steps away from her and puts his hands in his pockets. "S'cool. So, uh, you're not gonna be pissed if I say I'm really glad you're not pregnant, are you?" 

"No. I am too. Really, really glad." She took his arm, prepared to lead them out of the room. "Just to be safe, though, I think we should refrain from sex for a while, if that's okay." 

"Yeah I agree. I know, shocker comin' from me." They walked to the desk together and as the receptionist was filling out Rachel's paperwork, Puck added. "But we can still do oral and shit right?"

Rachel's eyes were huge, but that was nothing compared to the poor receptionist.

"Ahem, I'm sure I'll be seeing you two again soon." She said, handing Rachel some forms.

"I love you?" Puck tried, with the cutest face he could muster, while fearing that she was about to castrate him.

She just shook her head, stomping out of the office and Puck groaned, thinking about the lecture he was about to get the whole car ride home.


	3. Hotboxing

Rachel walked into the apartment she shared with her two best friends, Santana and Brittany, and heard giggling coming from the bathroom. The first time it was definitely Brittany. The second she was almost sure was Santana. Rachel put her keys down slowly, making a face. It's not like she's got a huge problem with the fact that Brittany and Santana occasionally hook up whenever Santana and Sam are fighting. It's none of her business, She just doesn't like hearing it, or seeing it like last time. She was about to head for her bedroom when she heard a third laugh. She didn't like that last one at all. It belonged to Noah Puckerman, the man she'd harbored a one sided crush on pretty much since high school. Santana and Brittany both know how she feels about him, they wouldn't dare. Would they?

"Santana!" She shouts through the door.

"Shit." She hears Puck whisper. "It's Berry. She'll kill us if she knows what we're doing."

"Shh. Uh, hey Rach!" She recognizes Santana's voice as the one she uses when she's guilty. "I thought you were in class until 3."

"Today's Friday. I get out early. What are you doing? Is Noah with you?"

"Aw fuck."

"Just let her in." The next voice belongs to Sam. What the hell was going on in there?

"I don't want her to kick us out." Brittany said.

"I'm not going to kick you out. You both help pay rent. Let me in!"

In an instant, the door opened, Santana pulled her in so fast she fell in the floor, and the door was slammed shut again.

"Sorry, B. Didn't mean to knock you down." She apologized, walking to sit on Sam's lap, who was sitting on the closed toilet. And in the floor next to them was Puck, leaned up against the wall. Brittany and Mike were sitting in the bathtub and Brittany was holding a... Oh, suddenly the smell and the smoky room made sense.

"Sit down Berry." Puck patted the floor next to him.

"I am not going to partake in this display of idiocy!"

"You don't have to smoke, Rach." Brittany spoke up. "Just being in here gives you a pretty good buzz. I know you think the smoke's bad for your vocal chords."

"It is bad, and just being in this room is bad for them. Why can't you guys just stick with alcohol?"

"We're celebrating." Santana laughed. "That we can finally do this shit legally."

Rachel shook her head.

"You know," Puck said. "You do a lot of yelling. I bet if you just talked at the level of a normal human, it'd cancel out the damage from the pot."

"You know," She mocked him. "If you used half of that brain power for good instead of evil, you could probably rule the world."

"I told you not to let her in." He griped to Santana. "She's too uptight for this."

"Excuse me?" She shrieked, her voice cracked. "I am not uptight Noah Puckerman. Just because I actually take care of my body unlike the five of you who drink their poor livers silly every weekend and eat greasy chinese food at three in the morning."

"Oh, Chinese sounds awesome." Brittany whispered to Mike.

"Babe, I wasn't trying to be mean." Puck told Rachel. "Some people just have different ways of letting loose. We like to party, you like to sing and...knit." 

That statement made her even more angry and she stomped over to where he was sitting and sat down with her arms crossed. "I'm going to blame all of you for every audition I don't make between now and Christmas."

An hour later there was Chinese food all over the kitchen counter, Sam was on the phone trying to order pizza, Santana was eating Cheez Whiz straight out of the can while singing _Because I Got High_, and Puck and Rachel were trying to figure out how to fry ice cream.

"This has been the best day ever." Brittany said from her spot on the couch. "Rachel should smoke with us much more often."

"Somehow I think this will be it for her." Mike responded. "Especially when she's sober again and she realizes she's ruined three pans now, and there's a burn on the bathroom rug from where you accidently dropped the bong."

Brittany groaned. "Um, can I stay with you a couple days?"

"Rachel, maybe we should try putting flour in it." Puck was saying in the kitchen.

"Yeah, that would probably be a good idea." Mike agreed.


	4. Drunken Confessions

"Rachel! Raaaaaaachel." Puck was standing in front of her house yelling at her window.

Finally she opened the window and looked down at him. "Noah, what are you doing? It's three thirty in the morning!"

"I wannnet to see you."

"Are you drunk again?" She whined. "Please tell me you walked here."

"I did." He says this like he's super proud. "Is gay daddies home?"

"Stay there." She hissed, pulling her head back inside. She walked downstairs and out into the front yard where he was standing. "It is freezing out here."

"S'cuz you're not wearin shoooooes." He told her. "Here, I get you."

He moves like he's going to try to pick her up, but he just knocks both of them over.

"Come inside with me." She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. "Where's your coat anyway? You know, just because there's no snow on the ground does not mean it's appropriate to wear summer clothing."

"Shh, don't wake daddies up."

"Daddies aren't here." She mimicked him. "Here, drink this."

He took it from her and tried to throw it back like a shot. Being that it was a glass of water, that did not go well.

"Noah." She shook her head. "Go sit down on the couch while I clean this up."

"Sorry baby."

"It's fine." She sighed. "And how many times have I told you to stop calling me baby?"

"It's a free country, babe." He exaggerated the 'b' and stumbled out of the way when Rachel tried to hit him with a dish towel.

"Where have you been, anyway?" She called. "I don't like the thought of you wandering around Lima in November drunk at night without the proper apparel on."

"You take good care'a me."

"I just wish I didn't have to do it so often." She answered, walking into the living room to find him laying on the couch. "So what happened, Noah. What's wrong?"

"Nuthin."

She knocked his feet off the couch so she could sit down. "You know I'm not going to let you go to sleep until you tell me."

"My dad." He mumbled. "Fugger called n' talked to Sarah. Got her all worked up n' Ma was cryin. Shit. Ain't your dads got anymore booze?"

"That's the last thing you need." She told him. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I can tell the call upset you too. I know you better than that. I've been taking care of your stupid drunk behind for months."

"Cuz your my hot lil jew princess."

She rolled her eyes. "I guess."

"Sorry I woke you up."

"That's okay. I'm honored that you trust me enough to always come to me in these situations."

"Not always. Only when I can't get you outta my head. Couldn't stop thinkin bout you tonight."

"Noah, please don't do this right now." She begged.

"You know I'd treat you better than him."

"Finn and I are _not_ breaking up." She repeated for what felt like the thousandth time.

"You're never gonna see me the way I see you. I'm not good enough."

"Don't say that about yourself. There's nothing wrong with you."

"What can I do to make you look at me the way you look at him?"

"Noah. I love Finn. He loves me. You need to stop doing this. It's bad for you."

"I could love you." He mumbled quietly.

She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "I know. You need to get over me."

"You need to get outta my head." He shot back, getting angry.

"I have no control over your mind."

"Fuck you, that's a lie. M'not s'posed to feel like this. I can get any chick in Lima and m'chasin after you? Rachel Berry? Manhands? The hell's wrong with this picture. I don't get turned down by girls like you. S'gotta be some Jedi mind trick."

Rachel stood up suddenly and stomped to the stairs.

"Where you goin?" Puck asked.

"To bed." She answered. "I'm not going to sit down here in the middle of the night to be insulted by you just because you're unhappy with your life. Stay, leave, I don't care. Just leave me alone and let me sleep."

"Baby, don't." He whined like he was going to cry. "Don't leave me. M'sorry. Just come sit here with me. I won't talk no more."

She thought about it for a moment, and gave in to him, resuming her place next to him.

"I'm only staying until you go to sleep." She said. "And it's only because I'm a good person."

"Th'best."

"I thought you weren't going to talk anymore."

He smiled and stretched out, putting his head in her lap. She rolled her eyes and rested one hand on his arm and the other on his head.

"Goodnight Noah."

"I love you, Rach."

"I know you do."


	5. Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

"Puck, man, you need to get your woman under control." Artie said.

Puck looked up from the drink he was mixing for Tina. "Who?"

"Rachel." He answered, ignoring the eye roll he got. "Someone needs to cut her off."

"First off, Rachel's not my woman. I'm pretty sure her radar's still tuned to Finessa. Not that I care. Second, she hasn't had that much. She's only drank what I gave her."

"Wrong. She stole the rest of Sam's drink and Brittany's been giving her drinks for the past half hour."

Puck shrugged. "Still. Let her have fun. It can't be that bad."

"Britt just convinced her to make out with Santana for a nickel and a shot of Patron."

Puck's head shot up and he started scanning the room. "And I missed it? Where the hell are they?"

"Not really the point. Can't you do something with her before her Santana and Brittany decide to...I don't even wanna think about it."

"I do." Puck smirked, but walked around the table anyway. "Mike, come here. You seen Berry, man?"

"Over on the couch." He pointed with a huge smile on his face.

Puck looked over to the other side of the room and his mouth fell open. "Holy-" Rachel was in Sam's lap, thrashing her head around to the music while Brittany and Santana cheered her on and threw money at her. "Berry!"

She looked over her shoulder briefly. "Noah! Where have you been? I was looking for you." 

"The same spot I was in the last time you saw me."

"Oh." She shrugged, turning back to Sam and resuming her dance.

Puck turned to Santana. "It doesn't bother you that she's giving your boyfriend a lap dance?"

"Hell no. It's hotter than fuck!" She threw another dollar bill. "By the way, have you kissed Berry? Cuz it's awesome."

"Yeah, I have." He rolled his eyes. "Come on Berry, dance is over."

"Come on, man. Don't ruin this for me." Sam said from under Rachel.

"Remind me to kick your ass when your sober." Puck responded. "Rachel, come on."

"No. I'm having fun!" She whined, running her hands through her hair.

He sighed and grabbed her around the waist, picking her up. She started kicking and came about an inch from Sam's face.

"Cut it out." Puck grunted. "I'm tryin' to do you a favor."

"Put me down!" She shrieked, as he carryed her all the way into one of the spare bedrooms. He threw her down on the bed and she just rolled over. "The ceiling in here is even spinnier than the one in there!"

He groaned and stood in front of her. He held out his hands. "Sit up, Berry." He pulled her up to a sitting position and she hung her head, her eyes fluttering. "You alright?"

She nodded. "I feel awesome."

"Yeah? Well you look like shit."

She frowned, looking down at herself. "Really?" Her voice was high and full of sadness.

He laughed a little bit. "Baby, I didn't mean it like that. You look like you feel b..." He sighed. "You're beautiful. 'Kay?"

She looked to her right, where Puck's phone was on the bed. "Your phone is vibrating."

He bent down to pick it up and when he did, Rachel put her hands on his shoulders. He looked at her, thinking she wanted to say something, and she pressed her lips to his. It was quick, but when he didn't move (he was too shocked) she took it as encouragement and kissed him again, snaking her arm around his neck. He let her kiss him for longer than he probably should have before pulling away.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked. Her face immediately filled with sadness again and Puck felt like he deserved to be punched. "You can't go around just kissing people cuz you're drunk. You're gonna get yourself in trouble. I don't want you getting hurt."

Her face scrunched up and she looked to the side. "You're not just some random person. You're..."

"Who? Puckassauraus? Ask Quinn, I'm not the guy to be throwin' yourself at when you been drinkin'."

"You don't want me."

He closed his eyes and sat down next to her. "Come on Berry, that ain't true. It's just...I like kissin' you. But, like, when your sober. And you taste like you, cherries or some other kinda berry. But right now you taste like Santana. Cigarettes and desperation."

She smiled. "Really?"

He wanted to roll his eyes at how sappy this was getting but this was Rachel, and no one was gonna know he said this stuff anyway.

"Totally. You don't need to get wasted for people to wanna be with you."

"Do you wanna be with me?"

He hesitated, looking at the door instead of her. "Why don't you ask me that question again when you're sober."

"Noah?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna be sick." She bolted up from the bed and ran out of the room. He followed her, ignoring the stares from random glee clubbers who wondered what they'd been doing in there. She barely made it into the bathroom before falling to her knees and emptying her stomach into the toilet. He slowed down and, getting down on one knee, pulled her hair back.

"S'all right, Berry. I got you."


	6. Let's Kick Some Ass

Puck walked into the choir room on time for once. The first thing he noticed, is that his girlfriend was not there already. She's always the first one to Glee Club. Puck checked his phone to make sure something wasn't wrong. He hadn't seen her since before lunch but he didn't think that much of it. They weren't connected at the hip. He sat down anyway, thinking that maybe she was in Schuester's office trying to convince him to give her more solos or something. But she still wasn't there when Santana, the only person who's late more than him, strolled into the room.

"Hey, San." He nodded her over. "Where's Berry at?"

Santana seemed confused. "You didn't actually think they were going to let her stay for Glee Club did you?"

He knitted his eyebrows together. "What?"

"You've been suspended enough times to know you're not allowed to do after school stuff for the whole time you're suspended.

"Suspended! Rachel's suspended."

Santana stared at him like she couldn't believe he was in the dark. "Um, yeah. When was the last time you talked to her anyway?"

"This morning. The hell happened?"

"Well, your girl got slushied by the Snowball Queen and called her a miserable bitch. Yeah, those were her exact words. Then Quinn went on to say something about what a loser she was and how it wasn't surprising that the only guy she could hang on to was a complete fuck up like you. Sooooo, Berry punched her." She smiled.

"What!"

"Shh, jeez. Yeah, she knocked the shit out of that bitch. It was awesome. She hit the floor and there was actually blood."

"Holy fuck, her dads must be flipping their shit." He shook his head. "Actually, they're probably blaming it on me."

"I haven't even gotten to the best part yet." She giggled. "So Mike, Sam and Finn were the ones who broke up the fight. Sam had Quinn and your little spitfire required two handlers. She kicked Mike in the shin with her heel, elbowed Finn in the ribs and tackled both Sam and Quinn."

"What the-"

"I've gotta say, I'm massively impressed with her fighting skills. I just wish I could take credit. Any idea who taught her how to throw such an awesome right hook?"

He rolled his eyes at her accusing glare. "I was just showing her so she could defend herself against JewFro. I can't be around all the time and, as much as I'd love to kick that kid's head in, it'd be even funnier to see him get his ass kicked by a girl."

"Yeah well, you'd have been proud. She was incredible."

After Glee Club let out, Puck pulled out his cell phone and dialed Rachel's number, hoping her dad's hadn't taken her cell away or something.

"Hello?" She answered, whispering.

"Baby, I did not teach you how to fight so you could get your sweet ass suspended."

"Hello to you too, Noah." She responded. "I can't talk long. My dad's haven't realized they forgot to take my phone away yet, but I'm certain it's just a matter of time."

"How much trouble you in?"

"No tv, computer, Barbra." She sighed. "Indefinitely." 

"I cannot believe you beat up Quinn, Finessa, and Chang." He laughed.

"It's not like I'm proud of myself. I've always said that violence is not the answer and I just lashed out. Yes, I was provoked, but that isn't the point. Now I'm paying the price."

He rolled his eyes. "Well was it worth it?"

He heard her giggle. "It was soooo worth it. You should have seen me. I... kicked her ass." She said the last part even more quietly.

"Well I hope it was, cuz now I gotta go a week without seein' you."

"Oh Noah, don't you even pretend like you're not going to sneak into my bedroom tonight."

He smiled. "Well I guess I could. Since you're begging."

She scoffed playfully, then gasped. "I think I hear one of my dads coming gotta go! I love you. I'll leave my window unlocked!"

"Love you too, babe. Later." He hung up and noticed Mike coming out of the school.

"Hey Puckerman. You know I think your girlfriend broke my foot."

He shrugged. "What can I say, bro? I'm a lucky guy."


	7. Breakfast at Berry's

**Note: Thank you so much for the feedback. Nice to know y'all are enjoying this. I'm overwhelmed by how many of you added this to your favorites and hope that you enjoy these next three as well.**

"Good Morning honey." Hiram, Rachel's dad, greeted her when she walked into the kitchen. "You're running a little late this morning, aren't you? I was worried you weren't going to have time for breakfast."

She looked to see bagels, fruit, and her favorite vegan cream cheese. "I was up late working on a new song for Glee Club. But breakfast looks fantastic. Where's Daddy?"

"He already left for work." He watched her go to the refrigerator and pull out the orange juice. "Honey I already poured you a glass." He pointed to where he already had a clean plate and a glass of juice set out for her.

"Oh. Thank you." She picked both of them up and set them on the counter with the food, watching for when her dad turned back around. When he did, she tiptoed to the door and put the juice on the table in the hall. Just as she had gotten back to the counter and grabbed herself another glass, he turned around again.

"Sweetheart, are you feeling okay this morning? You're awfully quiet."

"I'm fine." She smiled brightly. "Just a little tired. I stayed up much too late. I won't do it again."

"Okay." He shrugged and turned back around. When he did, she hurridly piled a bunch of food on the plate and put it out in the hall with the glass of juice. This time, her dad turned back to her as she was getting another plate out of the cabinet. "What are you doing?" 

"The plate was dirty." She lied.

He raised an eyebrow. "It was?" He took off his reading glasses and inspected them. "I think I might be a little overtired this morning too."

She got her food and relaxed as she sat down at the table. She ate in silence for a couple minutes before her dad pushed his paper down again.

"So when can we hear your song?"

"Hmm?"

"The song you were working on last night."

She shook her head. "Oh, um, it's...not really finished. I'll let you know." She heard the doorbell ring and shot up. "Noah's here! Gotta go. I love you. Thanks for breakfast."

"Tell Noah to come in and eat."

"No, we really need to get to school, and I'm sure Debbie feeds him." She responded, gathering up her things that she kept in the closet next to the front door. "Bye Dad!"

She opened the door and pushed Puck aside to get out and shut it.

"No kiss good morning?" He asked, following her to his truck.

"They know something's up." She answered, letting him take her bag to put in the bed of his truck while she climbed inside. "It was a really close call this morning."

"Please." He scoffed, closing her door. Once he ran around and was seated in the driver's seat, he added. "They never knew I was there. By the way, thanks for breakfast babe."

She gave him a look. "We need to find a different way of sneaking you out when you spend the night."

He laughed. "I'm really glad you didn't suggest that I stop spending the night altogether."

She rolled her eyes, with a small smile on her mouth. "I wouldn't go that far. You've turned me into an addict. But I really need to work on my song for Glee tonight, so keep your lips and your hands at your own house."

"I can't come over at all!" He pouted. "Come on, I can keep my hands to myself for a couple hours. Can't you?"

"No. And neither can you, so don't pretend like you're better than me Noah Puckerman. I know how you are. You start playing your guitar or singing or something and you know I just can't resist it. You're so manipulative."

"What about you? Stretching in front of me in Glee Club in those tiny skirts of yours."

She narrowed her eyes and looked out the window again. He rolled his eyes and started his truck up. Halfway to school, she started laughing.

"The hell's so funny?" He asked.

"You realize you ate vegan cream cheese this morning?"

He grunted. "Well I wasn't gonna say nothin' but I thought it tasted like crap."

"You had no idea it was vegan."

"Course I did, baby, I know everything."

"Liar."

"S'true."

She sighed. "Fine, Noah, whatever you say."

He smirked, happy that he'd won. For now.


	8. Promises

"There you are."

Rachel looked up to see Puck walking toward her and quickly tried to wipe the tears off her face.

"I lost you in the crowd." He said. "What are you doing out here? Your dads and Ma are wantin' pictures."

"I just needed a minute." She answered, taking a deep breath. "I'm ready now though, okay?"

"Hold on a second. What's wrong? You been crying?"

She waved a hand. "It's just an emotional day, you know? Graduation. I can't believe we're finally here."

"It's awesome, right?" He grinned.

She pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah. Now we can start our lives."

He knitted his eyebrows together. "You are not happy right now. Come here." He led her further down the hall away from the crowd. "What's wrong, baby? Why are you sad?"

"I'm just going to miss everyone, that's all." She lied, but he kept on staring at her. "I have to leave for the summer program at NYU in two weeks."

"I know. You told me months ago."

"I don't want to leave you." She answered, tears starting to fall from her face. "Maybe I can just put it off until January, when you can come with me."

"Hell no." He said firmly.

"You don't want to be with me?"

"I don't want you putting your life on hold for me." He corrected her. "I hate the thought of bein' apart for six months, but I'm doing this so I can give you things you deserve. An apartment that's not across the hall from a crack dealer, financial security, an engagement ring."

"There's nothing wrong with the one you already gave me." She mumbled, looking at the ring on her left hand.

"It's from Claire's and I already told you, it's not an engagement ring. More like a pre-engagement. We're engaged to be engaged."

She rolled her eyes. "I just wish you'd move in with me."

"I got too much respect for your dads to move into an apartment that they're paying for and shack up with you. We'll shack up when I'm paying the rent."

She smiled a little bit. "Noah, I love you so much. I don't want to leave you."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Don't think about it today. Okay? This is our graduation day. We've got parties to go to and you got graduation money to blow. We'll worry about New York in two weeks."

"You didn't say you loved me back."

He laughed a little. "You already know I do. Now seriously, your dads are gonna think I kidnapped you."

She wrapped her arm around his and began walking back into the gym with him.

"Noah?"

"Yes baby?"

"Can we paint the walls in our bedroom yellow?"

He hung his head and sighed. "Whatever you want, dear."


	9. Pipe Dreams

"Rachel hurry up!" Santana whined from the living room. "I wanna see Taylor Lautner's abs, now!"

"So start the movie." Rachel called back from the kitched. "Honestly, it's not like I'll be torn up about missing the beginning since I watch this stupid movie with you every single time you and Sam break up. Why is that anyway? What symbolism could possibly come from Twilight?"

"Why does there have to be symbolism? I just wanna be reminded that there are people out there more screwed up than I am. I may be in a relationship where we can't seem to figure out how to be together for more than a month, but at least I don't have a dude who'd give Finn Hudson a run for his money in the gassy baby look department obsessed with me."

Rachel sighed and sat down on the couch putting the bowl of popcorn in between them. "I just can't believe I got out of bed at 1 am to fix popcorn and watch this for the thousandth time."

She picked up the remote to switch the tv over to dvd mode when her hand froze. Santana had been watching a late night talk show and the next guest was all too familiar to the two girls.

"Holy fuck." Santana tried to grab the remote from her hands, but she held tight. "Rach, I swear I wasn't paying attention. I would have changed it."

"Shh." She hushed her.

"So, Puck. Now that's an interesting name, where did that come from?" The host was saying.

Puck laughed, shaking his head. "I don't really remember. People have been calling me that as long as I can remember. Only people who call me by my first name are my mom, sister, and grandma."

Rachel's jaw clenched at being excluded from that list.

"Well, Puck, you came out of absolutely nowhere. It's like one day you're a nobody and the next, you've sold 60,000 albums. How does that happen?"

"It's crazy, man. I mean, I grew up in a tiny town in Ohio and been playing guitar as long as I could hold one. Never thought I'd be here. It's awesome."

"Are there a lot of people in your hometown who didn't think you'd amount to anything?"

He laughed again. "Eh, yeah I guess. I wasn't the most driven guy in the world. Probably would have stayed in Lima all my life, but I was in New York and this record producer heard one of my songs." He shrugged. "Rest is history."

"So are you already writing songs for the next album?"

"I don't know about that. I've been thinking about going back to New York."

Rachel felt like she was going to throw up.

"Really?" The host asked. "Why? What's in New York?"

Puck looked at a spot on the floor. "Some unfinished business. I screwed up some things when I came out here and I really regret it. Hopefully I can make it right."

"Well folks you can buy his debut album. It's in stores and right now he's going to perform for us. Right?" Puck nodded and got out of his seat. "Now, I've listened to this song, and I have to ask, is it written about anyone in particular?"

Puck smiled. "Yeah, it is actually. Maybe she's watching."

"Maybe. Anyway, here he is, singing _Pipe Dreams_."

The band started playing the song as Puck stepped up to the microphone.

_There's a woman I've known for all of my life_

_She's an anchor when all of your waves pass me by_

_::::::::::::_Puck and Rachel: age 6::::::::::::::

"Noah?" Rachel approached the boy carefully.

"What?" He answered, not looking up from the trucks he was currently using to run over one of his sister's dolls.

"Are you mad at me?"

He looked up, his nose scrunched up. "No."

"You never come play with me anymore. I miss you."

"Don't be such a girl." He responded. "I got stuff to do. Since my dad's gone, I'm the man of the house now."

"Oh." She said quietly, her eyes filling with tears. "Okay, I'll leave you alone now."

He watched her walk away until she was at the fence that seperated their houses. "Rach wait." He called after her. She stopped and he ran up to her. "You know, everything has been bad since my dad left. My mom never talks to me and now that Sarah's here, I never get to see anyone. I'm all alone."

She looked at him carefully for a moment. "You'll never be alone Noah. I'll always be here. I'll never leave you."

_But there's a bottle I drink that makes me feel fine_

_And I'm watchin' my life pass me by_

::::::::::New York City 2013::::::::::::

Puck stumbled through the door at three in the morning to find Rachel waiting up for him.

"Hey baby. What're you doin up?"

"Where have you been Noah?" She whispered.

"I juss went out for a couple drinks."

She shook her head and sniffled. "You were supposed to be here for dinner. My dad's? Remember?"

"Damn. M'sorry. S'cool though. They still love me."

"I thought something had happened to you."

He collapsed next to her on the couch. "Baby, I can take care'a myself. I'm a big boy. A _real_ big boy." He tried to kiss her on the neck and she stood up. "Where you going?"

"To bed." She answered curtly.

"Well wait for me."

"No. I'll get you a pillow and blanket. I just...can't look at you right now."

"The hell did I do?"

"When are you going to grow up Noah? You want to be with me, take care of me? Why don't you learn how to take care of yourself first."

_So even if I don't see these pipe dreams come true_

_I hope that you know that I was thinking of you_

_And as much as I wish that I could do it alone_

_I can't so that's why I'm coming home_

The television cut off suddenly and Rachel turned her head quickly toward Santana.

"Sorry buddy." She said sadly. "It's for your own good."

Rachel nodded as her cell phone vibrated on the table. Santana lurched at it before she could and looked at the text message she'd gotten. Her face contorted into a look of shock and Rachel tried to wrestle the phone away from her.

"What does it say?" She asked. "Who's it from?" 

Santana gave her a look and turned the phone to her slowly. She didn't recognize the number but she knew from the message who it was. It said simply: I'm coming home.

**Song credit goes to the amazing, incredibly talented Mark Salling. I really wanted to do more of the song so I could go through more flashbacks, but the next part of the song doesn't make sense for Puck to sing since he's Jewish so I had to omit. **


	10. My Sweet Feygele

"Noah I really wish you wouldn't do this." Rachel mustered what little strength she had at the moment to whine. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Stop bein' stubborn. I've already made my mind up. You're stayin' here."

She sighed, putting her head against his chest. She was starting to get dizzy again.

"Ma!" He yelled, causing Rachel to wince. She had a headache too.

"What?" She appeared from the kitchen. "Good morning Rachel."

Rachel gave her a small smile.

"She's sick." Puck explained. "Her dads are out of town and since both of you would have my ass if I stayed out of school to take care of her I brought her here."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Puckerman." Rachel said. "He insisted. I'll just go lay down in his room and try not to bother you."

"Baby, she's a nurse. This is what she does."

"Do you have a fever?"

"102.5" Puck answered for her.

Debbie put her hand to Rachel's head. "Oh, my sweet feygele, you're burning up. Come, come. Let's get you on the couch. Being in Noah's room would make you even more sick."

"Thanks Ma." Puck ignored Rachel's glare.

"Now what have you been taking?" She asked once she had the younger girl laying down.

"I haven't taken anything yet. I wasn't feeling bad last night."

"Does your throat hurt? Are you nauseous?"

Rachel shook her head. "My throat's fine. I'm not nauseous yet, but I haven't tried to eat anything. I have a headache and I'm dizzy and achy all over."

"Well, I think I have you in good hands." Puck declared. "Told you I'd make sure you were taken care of whether it was me doing the care or not."

"Go to school, Noah." Rachel told him. "Before I hurt you."

"I pretty much had to carry you in here. I ain't too worried." His mother gave him a look. "Okay, you I'm scared of. Rest well babe. See you after school."

"I'll be right back." Debbie told her once Puck was gone. She returned with a pillow and blanket. "Here you go, love. Make yourself comfortable, and I'm going to get you some juice."

She tried to argue, but she didn't have enough strength. Besides, it was kind of nice to be taken care of. So she settled underneath the blanket and rested her eyes. She didn't know how long she slept for, but she was woken up by cool hands on her head. She felt worse than she had before she'd gone to sleep.

"Under the tongue." Debbie's voice was coming out distorted. "Oh! Rachel, I'm going to call your fathers okay?" She nodded weakly, and closed her eyes again.

It wasn't long after though, that she felt a strong wave of nausea come on and she sat up, stumbling to the bathroom. After several moments, she felt her hair being pulled out of her face. She laid down on the cool tile of the floor and closed her eyes.

"Mrs. Puckerman." She mumbled. "I'm really, really sick."

"I know." She said in a soothing tone. "I'm here to take care of you."

"It's really nice to be mothered. I never had that."

"My sweet feygele, I'll be your mother whenever you need."

A/N: According to google, feygele is Yiddish for little bird. It also means a gay man, but we're going to use little bird here. It fits Rachel. I thought it would be adorable if Puck's mom had a pet name for Rachel. Hoped you liked it! Thanks for the continuing reviews.


	11. Beth I Hear You Calling

A/N: This totally should have either happened tonight or should happen at some point this season. Why wouldn't Puck and Rachel have a conversation about Beth? It's ridiculous.

Rachel had been pacing on the front porch for the better part of fifteen minutes. Everytime she went to knock on the door, something else popped up in her head and she went back to wearing a hole in the concrete. She stopped suddenly when she heard a baby crying.

She stepped off the porch and looked in the first window she came to. Her heart jumped to her throat when she saw the scene before her. Her mother was sitting on the arm of the couch, watching on as Puck sat in the floor with his daughter. She watched as he picked her up, awkwardly, and held her to his chest, attempting to stop the crying. When she looked back up to Shelby, she was looking back at her.

Rachel jumped back from the window and stumbled over the garden hose stretched across the lawn. Just as she was recovering, the front door opened and Shelby stepped outside.

"You know, heels are not the footwear for spying." She said. "Just a little advice."

"I...I'm sorry." Rachel stuttered. "I swear it isn't what it looks like."

Shelby smiled at her daughter. "You wanna come inside or would you rather watch through the window?"

"Don't you have company?"

She shrugged. "Aren't you and Noah in Glee Club together? You don't hate each other or something do you?"

"No, of course I don't hate Noah. We're friends...I think."

"Then come on in." Shelby laughed. "Would you like to meet your little sister?"

She nodded quickly and followed her mother inside.

"Noah, I believe you and Rachel know each other?"

"Sup, Berry?"

"Hi Noah." She replied, looking to the little girl in his arms.

"This is her first time seeing her." Shelby whispered.

"Oh." Puck chuckled. "Beth? Hey Beth, see her? That's Rachel. She's your, uh, well I guess she's your big sister now. She's pretty cool. Maybe when your older she can teach you to sing or somethin'. Berry, this is my little girl."

"Hi." Rachel smiled brightly. "You are so beautiful. Wow."

"She looks like Quinn."

"She looks like you too." She responded. "She's got your smile and your eyelashes."

"Thanks." He mumbled. "You wanna hold her? Is that cool Shelby?"

"It's fine."

"Cool." Puck picked her up and put her on Rachel's lap.

"Hi Beth." Rachel cooed.

"Hi." The toddler repeated, causing Rachel to gasp.

"I think she likes me."

"Course she does." Puck told her. "Everyone likes you."

"No they don't." Rachel laughed.

"Well whatever. I do."

Rachel couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

After Beth had been put to bed, Shelby agreed that the two of them could come back sometime later in the week. When they got outside, Puck looked around.

"Where's your car?" He asked.

"Oh, I walked."

"You want a ride home?"

"O-Okay."

He opened the passenger door for her, earning a very surprised look. He smirked in response.

"So what'd you think?" He asked, as he started the car.

"She's amazing Noah."

He sighs, shaking his head. "I can't believe I made that. Everything I do is so...fucked up. But Beth is perfect. I mean, how is it possible that part of her came from me?" 

Rachel reaches over and touches his arm. "You are not that bad."

He smiled. "Did you see the picture on the fridge? I brought one over the first time I got to meet her and then last time she and I drew one together. She's so talented. Did you hear her say my name before Shelby put her to bed? God, that was awesome." Finally he looked over at her to notice the look on her face. "What's with the grin?"

"Hearing you talk about her," She bit her lip and looked at the floorboard. "It's just a side of you I've never seen. It suits you."

"Thanks?"

She giggled. "It's a compliment Noah. Beth's going to love you. Shelby's going to let you keep seeing her, right?"

His face fell. "As long as I can keep Quinn's selfish ass in check. You know what that bitch is doing now?"

"Noah,"

"She's gonna try to get custody of Beth." He slammed his hand on the wheel. "She's gonna mess everything up! I would love to raise my daughter myself, but the reality is that I'm a senior in high school and I can't provide the life she deserves. I'm really, really lucky that not only is Shleby gonna give her that life but that she's even considering letting me be a part of it. No court in their right mind is gonna give Quinn custody, all she's gonna do is make it so Shelby doesn't let either one of us see her."

"Noah pull over." She ordered. "Now." He pulled off the road suddenly and slammed the brakes on. "What exactly did Quinn say?"

"That everything, the whole dying her hair back, joining Glee again is an act. She just wants to get Beth back."

"She's not going to."

"I know." He growls. "But Rach...what if she does. I mean, she's an evil bitch. Sorry, but it's true. She's almost as evil as Santana and I'm afraid of what she could do. If she got custody, she'd never let me see her again." 

"She won't get custody."

"What if she kidnaps her? Dammit." He raised his hands to his head. "I couldn't stand the thought of my little girl in danger."

After a couple of moments of silence, Rachel scooted across the truck seat and put her arm around his shoulder. "Have you told Shelby about this?"

"I'm afraid." He whispered, putting his head on the steering wheel. "That she won't let me come over anymore."

"It's not your fault Quinn's crazy. I'll talk to her. I'm quite persuasive. I'll do everything I can to make sure you can keep seeing her."

He looked over at her, and smiled. "Thanks Rachel. That's pretty awesome of you."

"Well, my birth mom adopted your daughter. I think that kind of makes us family."

He nodded and then knitted his eyebrows together. "Wait, but in the metaphorical way right? Cuz I know you don't forget us totally making out sophmore year. And junior year."

She nudged him with a smile on her face. "I just meant that I'll always have your back."

"Back at ya, baby."

She laughed. "And the Puckasaurus is back. I'm not single Noah."

"I know." He rolled his eyes. "Seriously, though, thanks. It means a lot."

She smiled. "Anytime."

"And if you ever find yourself single again, you'd make a great step mom."

She shoved his shoulder and scooted back across the seat. "Take me home Noah."

He started the truck back up again and started to put it in gear. "Hey Rachel?"

"Hmm?" She responded, looking out the window to her right.

"Do you gotta go home?" He chuckled a little at the look she gave him. "Chill out Berry, I just don't wanna be alone right now." He didn't like the way her smile made him feel. "Tell anyone I said that, and I'll go back to slushing you."

"You wouldn't dare. You're too sweet."

He rolled his eyes again. "Shut up Berry."

"Beth's lucky to have you." She told him.

"I'm thinkin' of moving to New York after high school." He said. "You know, Shelby's got a place up there and maybe if I make somethin' of myself up there, she'll let me keep her while she's workin'." He looked at her across the seat to find that same smile on her face. "I know, it's stupid."

She shook her head. "Actually, I was just thinking how nice it'll be to have a friend in the city to hang out with me when I blow auditions."

He smirked. "Screw that, I'm gonna be the dude you go party with when you kill every single one."

Even though she knew she shouldn't, she scooted back across the seat to kiss him on the cheek, and didn't say one word when he put his arm around her back to hold her there at his side. She just rested her head on his shoulder and stayed that way as he took her on the very long route home.


	12. The Puckerman Army

When the first thing Santana heard when she stepped on the front porch was: "Yeah? Well you're a spoiled self-centered little brat!" she really should have just turned around and left. But she'd come all this way, and Rachel was expecting her, so she timidly rung the doorbell.

A long, dark haired girl who was the spitting image of her mother flung the door open. The scowl on her face immediately brightened. "Santana!" She wrapped her arms around her godmother. "I'm so happy you're here."

"Hey gorgeous." She patted the younger girl's back. "So, uh, what kinda mood's your mom in?"

Her scowl returned. "Mother!" She shouted.

"Caroline, I am done arguing about this. When are you..." Rachel stopped when she entered the foyer and could see her best friend on the porch. "San! When did you get here?"

"I rang the doorbell." She shrugged.

"You probably couldn't hear it over the sound of the voices in your head." Caroline remarked.

"In your room. Now." She growled. The teen scoffed and stomped away. Rachel took a deep breath and smiled at Santana. "Well come in, give me a hug!"

She stepped inside and embraced Rachel tightly. They'd been best friends for almost twenty years and living in different states was just not cutting it.

"I've missed you, B." She said, pulling away from her and looking toward the stairs. "So I take it the 'you've got a half-sister' conversation went wonderfully."

Rachel rolled her eyes and sighed, sitting down on the loveseat in the hallway. "It's been like this since she found out. I'm not sure why I'm getting all the blame for this. It's not like I had any control over that situation. I swear, that girl is her father's daughter."

"Bullshit, she's you all over." Santana laughed. "The dramatics, the diva exits. That's you 20 years ago, Rach. Now, Elijah, on the other hand..."

"Oh, wait until you hear this. I've always said to him 'Eli, you're being just like daddy' so he, the night before his sixth grade picture, takes this literally and decides he wants to wear his hair like daddy used to."

Santana covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, he didn't."

Rachel nodded. "Oh yes he did. He tried to give himself a mohawk, but supposedly got distracted on his way up to his head. So, even though he has no facial hair, he shaves anyway and nearly cut his lip off."

"I bet daddy was proud."

"He was laughing at me while we were driving to the hospital!"

"Well that doesn't surprise me." Santana responded. "Is he not here right now?"

"No. He had to take Anabelle to the hairdresser. She got gum in her hair."

"Rachel, can you not keep your children under control? This is why Sammy and I stopped at one. You've got a whole Puckerman army to wreak havoc on New York City."

"Don't I know it." She sighed. "I had my tubes tied after the twins and that's it. I tried to convince Noah to get a vasectomy, but I'm sure you can imagine how that conversation went."

"Well if you two didn't fuck like rabbits, this wouldn't be a problem." Santana told her. "Clearly nothing has changed since the days you and I used to live together."

Rachel giggles. "What can I say? Noah brought the freak out of me when I was 18 and I've yet to be able to keep her under control."

Santana just shook her head. "I love you."

The door opened and a small child ran in and latched himself to Santana's leg.

"Oh, hey, which one are you?" She teased him. "Um, Mark."

"No!" He laughed. "It's me, Gabe."

"Oh!" She tapped her forehead. "Silly me."

Another girl, a little older walked in slowly, eyes on the floor.

"Hey, kid. What's with the face?" Santana asked.

The girl looked up, smiled, and ran to join her little brother. "Auntie Tana!"

"That's me." She looked to the door. "Well there's the man responsible for all these rugrats."

Puck glared at her. "Nice to see you too Santana. Hey baby."

"Hi." Rachel replied, eyeing her son, who was being held by Puck. "What's wrong with Mark?"

"You wanna tell mommy or should I?"

The boy sniffled and looked at Rachel, revealing a bruise on the side of his face.

"What the hell is that?" Rachel screeched, clearing the space between the loveseat and her husband quickly.

"I got in a fight." He mumbled pathetically.

Rachel immediately set her sights on Puck. "Don't give me that look." He responded. "I was watchin' him. But you sent me with double trouble here and...I'm sorry, okay?"

"Who did you get in a fight with?"

"Danny Goodson."

"Why?"

"He called grandpa and poppy fags."

Rachel closed her eyes and sighed.

"Least he was defending the Berry family honor." Puck told her.

"Hey, Gabe," Santana said. "Wouldn't you just love another little brother or sister?"

Puck and Rachel's heads both snapped to her.

"Yeah!" He cheered. "Are you guys gonna have a baby?"

Rachel looked back to Puck as he put Mark down. "You're calling the doctor about the vasectomy tomorrow."

"Baby," He whined and Santana could tell there was about to be a fight. So she herded her godkids into the living room and sunk into the couch.

"Kids, if your mommy and daddy fight anything like they used to, you may have a new sibling very soon."


	13. The Babysitter Is Not My Lover

It was Thursday night and that meant that Rachel was at the Mercury Lounge. She sung there every week and had for the past couple of months. They were paying her well since she was fairly well known and she was between shows so she figured why not?

"Alright guys, I'm gonna go a little old school if that's okay with you. I think you'll know the song though." She looked to the band behind her. "Hit it!" The music started up and she smiled, swaying along to the beat. "I saw him dancin' there by the record machine. I knew he must'a been about seventeen. The beat was goin' strong playin' my favorite song. I could tell it wouldn't be long 'til he was with me. Yeah me. I could tell it wouldn't be long 'til he was with me. Yeah me. Singin' I love rock n' roll. So put another dime in the jukebox baby. I love rock n' roll. So come on take the time and dance with me."

There was an instrumental break and Rachel laughed, looking at all the drunk dancing in the crowd. Until she saw the man standing in the front with the beer in his hand and the smirk on his face. She smiled at him and almost missed her cue to start singing again.

"He smiled so I got up and asked for his name. But that don't matter, he said, cuz it's all the same. He said can I take you home, where we can be alone? And next we were movin' on and he was with me. Yeah me. We were movin' on and singin' that same old song. Yeah with me. Singin' I love rock n' roll. So put another dime in the jukebox baby. I love rock n' roll. So come on take the time and dance with me."

"Whooooo!" He yelled for her.

"I love rock n' roll. So put another dime in the jukebox baby. I love rock n' roll. So come on take the time and dance with...I love rock n' roll. So put another dime in the jukebox baby. I love rock n' roll. So come on take the time and dance with...I love rock n' roll. So put another dime in the jukebox baby. I love rock n' roll. So come on take the time and dance with me." She smiled and nodded graciously as the crowd cheered and announced that she was taking a break but she'd be back for one more. As soon as she got off stage, she went straight to the bar.

"Already bought you a drink." She heard from behind her.

She turned around to hazel eyes and a mischievious smirk. She looked at the cocktail he was holding out for her. "Thank you. But I can't drink tonight."

He sighed and drained the glass in three gulps. "What can I get you then? Soda, water, what?"

"A soda would be great." She watched him as he talked to the bartender and cocked her head to look at him.

"What?" He asked.

"What are you doing here Noah?"

"Watching you kick ass. That's what I'm doing."

She rolled her eyes. "I meant, what are you doing in New York?"

"Visiting." He answered. "But I was in the village earlier and overheard some people talking about how the great Rachel Berry performs at this club on Thursday. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to see you in all your glory."

She laughed. "This isn't my glory, this is what I do for fun."

"Whatever." He takes a long sip of his beer. "So how you been Rach?"

"I don't have time to tell you everything I've been doing."

"Gee thanks." He replied. "Glad you're happy to see me."

"I am happy to see you, but I have a show to do." She looked at the stage where there were some really drunk patrons trying their hand at karaoke. "Oh good Lord. This makes my inner diva cringe."

He chuckled. "Good to know there's still some of the old you in there." 

"Would you like an abridged version of what I've been doing for the last twelve years?" She asked. He nodded, so she took a deep breath. "I moved here after graduation, went to NYU, got accepted into Tische. Did a couple school plays, graduated with honors. Got the understudy for Elphaba in _Wicked_, actually got to play one night. Rest is history."

He nodded once. "O-kay. Sweet."

She rolled her eyes. "What about you Puckerman?"

"Uh, barely graduated. Didn't get into college. Followed your bitch of a mother around until she slapped me with a restraining order. Hit rock bottom, got in touch with Sam again. Me and him are trying to start a record label out of Ohio. I teach guitar lessons on the weekends."

"Shelby isn't letting you see Beth anymore?" Rachel asked in disbelief. Before he could answer, one of the bartenders told her she was back on in five minutes. She looked at Puck apologetically.

"Go." He told her. "I'll still be here when you're done."

"Okay guys." She said when she was back in front of the microphone. "I was going to perform one of my favorite songs for you, but um...I'm gonna change things up. Think of this as...my personal tribute to a Jewish musical icon." She put her hand over the mic and whispered to the band. The music started and she looked to see Puck's reaction. He had a huge smile on his face as soon as he recognized the tune. "Where it began, I can't begin to knowin'. But then I know it's growin' strong. Was in the spring. Then spring became summer. Who'd have believed you'd come along? Hands touching hands. Reaching out. Touching me, touching you. Oh, Sweet Caroline. Good times never seemed so good. I've been inclined. Come on guys, sing along. To believe it never would. So now I look at the nights and they don't seem so lonely. We fill it up with only two. And when I hurt, hurting runs off my shoulders. How could I hurt when holding you? Warm, touching warm. Reaching out. Touching me, touching you. Oh, Sweet Caroline. Ba ba ba. Good times never seemed so good. I've been inclined. To believe it never would. Oh, Sweet Caroline. Ba ba ba. Good times never seemed so good. Oh, I've been inclined. To believe they never would. Oh no, no..." The band played the final few notes of the song and she took her bows, waving as she exited the stage. "Well?" She said as she joined Puck again. "Did you like it? It was secretly dedicated to you."

He laughed. "Thanks. It definitely made my night. So, where were we?"

"Noah," She put her hand on his arm. "I sung that because I was hoping that then you wouldn't be terribly angry when I bailed on you. I'm so sorry. I have to get home. Someone's waiting on me."

He looked at her hand. "I don't see a wedding band."

"I'm not married." She responded.

"Boyfriend?" She shook her head. "Girlfriend?"

She laughed loudly. "No!"

"But there is some kinda man in your life."

She hesitated on her answer. "Yes, I guess you could say that."

He raised an eyebrow. "What? You think he wouldn't like me or do you just really wanna blow me off."

She whined. "Noah. I'm not trying to do that." She sighed. "You really wanna meet him?"

He shrugged. "Sure."

"Fine. But this does not go back to Lima with you, got it?"

He knitted his eyebrows together. "Is he like a serial killer or something?"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, let's go. It's, like, a twenty minute cab ride to my place."

If he was impressed when they walked into the lobby of the building, he was something else entirely when they got off on the top floor and Rachel walked to the door of the Penthouse Suite."

"Fancy digs, Berry."

She smiled, turning her key. "Broadway pays good." She opened the door a crack and looked at him. "Can you wait out here?"

He thought she was joking for a second, but when she didn't laugh, he just nodded dumbly.

"Thanks."

After a couple minutes, the door opened, but there was no Rachel. Or male for that matter. It was a woman younger than them.

"Hi." She greeted him.

"Holy shit, Berry's a lesbian." He muttered.

The girl's face wrinkled with confusion. "Uh, no. I'm Amanda, I was just leaving. She's in there waiting for you."

He slowly entered the apartment and looked around. It was nice. Like, really nice. "Rach?"

"I'm in the kitchen!" She yelled.

He walked through the living room into the huge kitchen where she was standing in front of the refrigerator. "Hey, Berry. I thought you said you weren't into chicks. You know that makes two of my exes. I'm starting to take it personally."

"Noah, I'm not..." She was interupted by a small boy running and clinging to her leg. "Oh, baby, I thought you were going to brush your teeth." She looked at Puck's even more shocked expression. She picked the boy up and walked closer to Puck. "Honey, this is Noah. He's an old friend of mine. Noah, this is Micah. My son."

"Hi." The boy waved, even though his head was mostly buried in Rachel's hair.

"Hey." Puck responded.

"Um, I'm gonna go put him to bed. Make yourself comfortable. I'll be back. Honey, say goodnight to Noah."

"Night Noah."

"G'night little man."

When Rachel came back down, he was sitting on the couch. She joined him.

"Sorry about that. He usually falls asleep faster." She said.

"S'cool." He replied. "So...you got a kid?"

She looked at him wide eyed before giggling a little. "Yes, Noah. I have a kid."

"Are you divorced?" She shook her head. "Sorry, this is kind wierd for me."

"It's okay." She promised. "He's five. His dad's not in our lives. Hence, the baby sitter you're convinced I'm fucking."

He was about to respond when his head jerked to look at her. "Did you just say fuck?" She laughed and shook her head. "Finn's not the daddy is he?"

"God no!" She said almost a little too loudly. "No, just some loser with a bad condom. Not that I'd trade Micah for anything. He's my entire world. Which is why I can identify with the Beth thing even more now."

"I don't wanna talk about it." He snapped.

"Sorry." She whispered.

He sighed. "Whatever. Not your fault. So...you raise that munchkin all by yourself?"

She nodded. "Well, I mean. I have babysitters for nights like tonight or when I have a show."

"Still. Rach, that's awesome." She rolled her eyes. "No, seriously. Some people can't even raise a kid alone when they're doing nothin'. You're a friggin Broadway superstar and you seem like you got your shit under control. I'm impressed."

"It's an illusion." She chuckled. "Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom. But it just gets really hard when I'm trying to keep track of what nights I'm supposed to be where and whether or not I remembered to call Amanda, and showing up to dress rehearsal with pudding all over my clothes. And he hasn't even started school yet."

He put his hand on her knee. "Seems like you're doing a great job."

"Thank you. You know what's the worst part of it all though? It's that whenever something huge happens, like when he said his first word or he walked for the first time, there was no one there for me to share it with. You know? I mean, I would of course call my dads and they'd be thrilled. But there's no one here who loves him as much as me to say 'that's our son'." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "God, listen to me. You wanted to have fun with an old friend and I'm sitting here complaining about how lonely I am."

"Mommy?"

She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'll be right back."

He followed her this time, up the stairs and into a room he just knew she'd loved decorating.

"What's wrong, baby?" She asked, sitting down on the bed.

"I'm afraid."

"Of what, baby?"

He shrugged.

"Rach?" Puck made himself known. "Can I try? I'm kinda good at this."

She stared at him for a minute and got up. He took her place.

"Hey little man." He said. "I like your pjs."

"Thanks."

"So what's goin' on?"

"I got scared."

"What for?"

"I don't know."

"Did you have a bad dream?"

"Maybe."

Puck nodded. "Sometimes I have bad dreams too."

"Do you yell for your mommy?"

Rachel giggled behind him.

"Heck yeah, my mom's awesome." He answered. "Lemme tell you somethin' about my mom. She raised me and my little sister all by herself. Just like your mom does. And you know what?"

"What?"

"I think your mom might be even better at it than my mom was. What do you think? Your mom's pretty cool huh?" Micah nodded. "I think so too. She'd never let anything bad happen to you. You know that?" The boy nodded again. "So you don't got nothin' to be afraid of, right?"

"I guess not."

"So you gonna be a big boy and go to sleep? Trust your mom's gonna take care of you?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Gimme five." He held up his hand and let Micah slap it. "Now tell your mama good night and that you love her."

"Night mommy. I love you."

"Love you too, baby."

"Goodnight Noah." He said before turning over.

"Night buddy." He responded, standing up and putting his hand on Rachel's back to lead her out of the room.

"That was amazing." She whispered out in the hall.

"What can I say, kids love me."

She hit his arm lightly. "Don't do that. You're kind of fantastic."

He smiled. "Yeah? Well so are you. Fuck that, you're amazing."

"When do you have to be back in Ohio?"

He looked up, with a grin. "I could be persuaded to stay a couple more days.


	14. 20 Questions

I'm not really sure how last night's episode inspired me enough to write three stories in 24 hours, but here's one more short one. Thanks for reading!

Puck showed up at Shelby's apartment like he always did on Saturdays to see his daughter, only this time he came early and with food. Shelby did not seem happy with this.

"Noah, I told you..." She started.

"I know, I know." He sighed. "I'm over the crush, okay? This is nothing more than an apology and I really hope I didn't do anything to jeapordize spending time with Beth."

She smiled. "I would never do that. She loves you too much."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "So where is she? I wanted to play her this number we did in Glee Club this week. I recorded it all on my phone."

"She's still asleep, you're early." She reminded him. "I'd love to see it though." He held his phone away from her. "Not as the competition, I'm just curious. You didn't get any of Rachel did you?"

"Uh, yeah" He pressed play on his phone and the video started. "She sounded amazing in this song. I mean, she's always awesome, but her voice is incredible here."

They watched the video, and after a couple moments of watching her other daughter, Shelby looked at Puck. "You're right, she's fantastic. I'm so proud of her."

"She still not talking to you?"

She ignored the question. "Hey, what did you bring to eat? I'm starving."

As they ate their food, she noticed him studying her.

"What are you staring at?"

He shook his head, looking down at his plate. "Nothing. Sorry. I'm spacing. Wasn't really staring at you, you just happened to be in my line of vision."

She didn't back down. "Noah..."

He took a deep breath. "Fine, I was just thinking that I never really noticed before how much she looks like you. Rachel, not Beth. Sorry for bringin' her up again. Sore subject, I know. We just watched the video and I kinda had her in my head."

Shelby nodded, going back to her food. "Do you have any idea what you wanna do when you graduate?"

He shrugged. "A couple. My grades aren't good enough to get into college, but I got options. Got my pool cleaning business. You got any ideas for me?"

She laughed. "I don't know you well enough to make any suggestions."

"What do you mean? You know me. I've spent every Saturday here for the past six months."

"Yeah, you come over, we talk about Beth and school some, but I really don't know anything about you."

"Well what do you wanna know?"

She laughed again. "Tell you what? Why don't we play a little game?" He raised an eyebrow. "Not even in your dreams Noah. This is more like a word association game. I'm gonna ask you something and just answer with the first thing that comes to your mind."

"Alright."

"Favorite song?"

"Let's Get It On."

She wrinkled her nose. "Okay, um. Best Glee Club memory?"

"When Quinn went into labor during Sectionals."

"Aw, that's sweet honey. Favorite Food?"

"Waffles."

"Favorite animal?"

"Bird."

"What's your mom's name?"

"Debbie."

"Neil Diamond or Billie Joel?"

"Neil Diamond. And see? You know _something_ about me."

"Who came up with Puck?"

"I...don't know. Finn maybe?"

"How long have you had a mohawk?"

"Since 9th grade."

"Which would you rather perform, another Journey song, or a Britney Spears song?"

"Britney Spears." He answered quickly, and then laughed. "I didn't mean to say that."

"That's the whole point." She told him. "When don't think before you answer, you answer honestly. Now, may we continue?"

"Yeah, okay."

"Favorite season?"

"Summer."

"Do you want to clean pools the rest of your life?"

"No."

"What's your favorite class?"

"Glee."

"How long have you wanted Rachel?"

"Way too long." He answered, then realized what he'd just said. "Wait."

"I knew it." She responded.

"I didn't mean...I don't care about Rachel." She gave him a look. "She's in love with Finn."

"I didn't ask who she was in love with."

"This is stupid, I just blurted something out. It didn't mean anything."

"Oh please, I've had a suspicion you had feelings for her for a while. Your little comment about her looking like me just solidified everything. Your entire crush on me was just a projection because you can't have her. I look enough like her for you to more or less pretend that I'm her."

"You just look like her, you don't kiss like her or...damn it. You suck."

They heard Beth crying then and Shelby got up. "Saved by the baby." She told him. "For now."

"Thank fuck." He responded. But as soon as she was out of the room, he pulled out his phone and flipped through until he found a picture he took at Nationals last year of all the girls. Rachel was in the middle and he sighed, closing his eyes. "Way too long." He repeated to himself.


	15. I Can Wait

To the people who keep asking if I'm going to make a story out of whatever chapter, these are one shots only. My attention span isn't long enough for a story. I do appreciate the views though, and hopefully you like this next one too.

"Berry!" He shouted at her from at least 200 feet away. She looked at the people around her and then back to her locker, waiting for him to actually reach her before she'd awknowledge him. "Tell me you didn't do it."

She was confused. "What?"

"Tell me you didn't go through with it. That the stupid smile on Finnessa's face is because he found the prize in the cerial box this morning."

She looked away from his eyes and her face flushed.

"Shit, you did didn't you?" He whispered. "Dammit Rachel. How could you be so stupid?"

For once she was actually speechless. She looked around the hall, where people were starting to thin out. "I have to go to class Noah. I'll see you later."

But she didn't. She sat as far away from him as possible in History and always made sure there were people around her between classes so he wouldn't talk to her. When the bell rang letting school out, he hauled ass to the choir room, knowing she was always the first one there.

When she saw him, her face fell, but he didn't wait for whatever response she was going to give him, he just grabbed her arm and drug her to the boys locker room. There was no practice today, so it was empty.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked.

"Me?" She replied. "You're the one who just dragged me caveman style through the halls where everyone could see. Do you know what Finn's going to think if someone tells him you dragged me in here?"

"Fuck Finn!" He yelled. "How could you do this?"

Her eyes were wide and she shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

"How could you go through with it? You're so stupid Rachel. Why are you so stupid?"

"Why are you being so mean to me?" She asked in a high squeaky voice. Her eyes were welled up and damn it if it didn't make him want to kick his own ass.

He took a deep breath. "How could you..." He couldn't even say the words. It made him sick. "With Finn."

"I love him." She answered softly. "And he loves me."

Puck hit one of the lockers hard. The noise made Rachel jump. "He doesn't!"

"Excuse me?"

"I...alright maybe he cares about you, but he didn't care enough to choose you over football. Or feel even a little bit sorry when he was screwing around with Quinn. You didn't do this because you were ready or because you wanted to. You did this because you're afraid of losing him, because you know he's not gonna follow you to New York. He doesn't care about what you wanna do. He wants you to stay here in Lima and be a housewife and support his loser dreams forever."

"You have no idea what you're talking about." She told him. Her voice cracked again. "I wanted it. Why are you acting like you're angry with me right now?" 

"Because it wasn't supposed to be him!" He yelled. "It was... it was supposed to be me."

She hesitated before answering. "So that's what this is about? You're not worried for me as a friend because you don't think Finn is right for me or that I rushed into this. You...you're' just mad because you wanted to claim the Berry Cherry and Finn got there first?"

"What? The fuck..."

"I've got news for you, Noah Puckerman, I was never, nor will I ever be yours. I'm not one of those whores you cycle through like gym socks. Besides that, you clearly have no idea how to use a condom, and I'd rather not get pregnant."

"Berry,"

"And, not that it's _any_ of your business." She continued. "But Finn was wonderful. He was sweet and romantic and it was everything I expected it to be."

"Yeah?" He spat. "Does Mr. Sweet and Wonderful know that he wasn't the first one to get you off. Or could he even do that in the thirty seconds I'm sure he lasted?"

"You miserable son of a bitch." She growled. "You are the most vile, disgusting human being I have ever had the misfortune of meeting."

"That's not what you were saying when my fingers were inside you." He responded.

He thought that her silence was a sign that he'd won. Turns out, she was just concentrating all the energy in her entire body into her right arm, which she brought across his face with the force of a brick.

"Godammit Rachel." He grunted. "What the hell was that?"

"I have regretted letting you ever put your hands on me ever since the night it happened." She told him.

"Is that why you were begging me to touch you?" He asked. He was sure she was about to slap him again, but he didn't give her the chance. He grabbed the sides of her face and kissed her hard.

She fought for about two seconds before grabbing onto his arms as he shoved her back up against the lockers. She even groaned when he pulled away from her.

"He will never..." He panted. "Treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Your first time should have been on your terms and not because you feel obligated. But it's too late for that now. He's not gonna have you forever, though. Someday, when you see that you're not right together, I'm gonna show you what it's like when it's right. I'll treat you like you deserve and I will fucking _worship_ your body. Just remember that."

He kissed her once more, quicker than either of them would have liked, and then left. Leaving her gasping for air. She slid down the lockers and into the floor as she tried to concentrate on how to breathe properly again.

When she finally got up to look in the mirrors and put herself back together, she worried about what was going to happen the next time she and Finn were kissing and she couldn't stop thinking about Puck.


	16. We Need A Little Christmas

A/N: If it isn't clear, I know absolutely nothing about the Jewish faith, I just love Puck's exchanges with Rachel about it. So, if anyone is offended or I got something wrong, I do apologize. This was merely meant to be funny.

When Leroy Berry answered the front door, Puck could already smell something amazing coming from inside of the house and he was glad he'd decided to come over.

"Hey, Noah. How's it going?"

Admittingly, Leroy did not support his daughter's relationship with the resident bad boy when it first started, but after he and Puck bonded over sports, it was all good. They'd spent every Saturday and Sunday in the den watching a football game.

"Not bad, Mr. Berry." He responded, walking inside. "What's she making? It smells awesome."

"She's been at it all morning. Oh, and fair warning, she's got the Christmas music on already."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Thanks. If it gets too bad, I'll just come hang out with you."

"I've got the Buckeyes game recorded." He told him with a chuckle. "Good luck."

"Thanks Mr. Berry." He said over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen. The first thing he noticed, while he stood in the doorway with his arms folded, was that there was candy everywhere. And, as her dad had warned him, she was bouncing and singing along to some Christmas song he vaguely recognized with her back to him. "Rachel Berry."

She jumped and turned around, smiling upon seeing her boyfriend. "Hi Noah! What are you doing here?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Her smile fell and she put her hands on her hips. "I'm baking. What the hell do you think _you're_ doing?"

He resisted the urge to laugh and walked further into the kitchen so the door would shut. "Our ancestors did not travel through the desert and a the ocean so you could sing songs about a fat man who uses elves as slaves and breaks into people's houses."

She sighed and put her spoon down. He knew he was about to get a lecture. "First of all, the song I'm singing has nothing to do with Santa Claus. Second, considering Christmas nowadays is mostly an excuse for big corporations to suck money out of the public and for people to eat too much rather than any celebration of Christ's birth, I really don't think our ancestors would mind. Especially since Santa isn't real and Jesus himself was Jewish. Or as you refer to him 'your number one Heb'. Besides all of this, most scholars now believe that he was born sometime during spring, not December. The Pagans actually had a festival around the time we now observe Christmas, and it was Christianized sometime during the second or third century after Christ's death. So," She stepped closer to him to peck his lips. "Your argument is invalid."

She skipped back over to her mixing bowl, giggling to herself and he let out an annoyed breath.

"Fuck you and your brain." He told her.

"Now, Noah. Be nice." She chided him jokingly.

He walked up behind her and put his chin on her shoulder. "What're you makin' anyway?"

"Right now I'm making snickerdoodles, but I've already made peanut clusters, sugar cookies, macaroons, fudge, and peanut brittle."

"Who do you think is gonna eat all this candy?"

"I don't have nearly enough for as many people as I have to give to." She responded. "There has to be some for both my daddies' office parties, some for my dance teacher, vocal instructor, your mom, Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, Brittany, Lord Tubbington and Charity..."

"Who are Lord Tubbington and Charity?"

"Brittany's cats." She answered. He gave her a look like she was crazy. "You know how Brittany is. Anyway, Sam's little brother and sister, Mike's family, Mr. Schuester, the rest of Glee club, my therapist..."

"Whoa, whoa, I thought you stopped seeing the shrink after we hooked up."

"I did, but it's still nice to give her something. After all, I went to her for almost four years."

He covered his face with his hands. "Baby, you know that you don't gotta buy people's affection with candy." He tried to grab a cookie, but she slapped his hand.

"Those are not for you, Rabbi Puckerman. Now go play with your dreidle and maybe I'll make you some latkes later."

He chuckled. "Just so you know, my mom and Nonna are serious hardcore Jews. If you bring a plate of Santa Claus and Christmas Tree cookies over, they're probably gonna kick you out."

"I would never do that, I respect them too much." She assured him. "They'll get everything except the cookies."

"Oh, and I don't deserve that respect?"

She gave him a look over her shoulder. "I caught you eating bacon on Yom Kippur. You deserve nothing. Actually, you deserve to be flogged."

"Geez, baby. Lemme know how you really feel."

She turned to him, a huge smile on her face and kissed both his cheeks. "I am completely, hopelessly in love with you."

He grinned. "Love you too."

"Good. Now get out of my kitchen before _I_ flog you."

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "Fine, I'll be downstairs with your dad if you need me."

She waved over her shoulder as she went back to stirring and humming along with the carol.


	17. Monster In Law

"Hey kids," Hiram Berry ran by where Puck and Rachel were sitting on the couch in the Berry basement. "Rachel, honey have you seen our serving tray?"

"Not lately." She answered. "Are we having company?"

"Yes, actually. We're having some people from your father's work over. If you were ever home, you'd know." He teased her. "So, I couldn't bribe you kids to go somewhere else could I?"

"You wanna hide us from the guests Mr. B?" Puck chuckled.

"It's not that. You'd be bored to death."

"We could go up to my room." Rachel suggested, getting a look from her daddy that said 'are you serious right now?'. "Or not. Daddy, we're watching a movie and we really want to finish it."

"Noah, isn't your mother home? You can go over there and finish it."

Puck almost started laughing, but saw the look that settled across Rachel's face and thought better of it.

"We can't." Rachel mumbled.

Hiram stopped what he was doing to study the couple. "Why?"

"You wanna tell him or should I?" Puck asked her. She didn't answer, so he went ahead. "Rachel's banned from my house." 

"What?" Hiram asked as Rachel shot Puck a dirty look.

"It's not like it sounds." She said.

"It's _exactly_ like it sounds." Puck laughed. "Baby, ma'll come around eventually. Nona thought it was funny as hell."

"Excuse me, but could someone please tell me what's going on?"

Rachel held up her hand when Puck started to speak again. "Debbie and I had a small argument last week. Noah and I were helping Sarah practice for her dance recital while Connie was cooking lunch. Debbie came home on her break from work and just laid into Noah for no reason. Now, I'm really not good at standing by while people insult him so I...may have jumped her a little."

Puck chuckled as he thought back to that day.

_"Mrs. Puckerman, if I may interupt for a moment, Noah was just helping Sarah and I with her routine for dance class. We needed his musical skills."_

_"Oh, Rachel. You have such stupid faith in my son. Noah, do you know how lucky you are this girl hasn't realized that you're a waste of her time yet?"_

_"Debra." Connie hissed at her daughter. "That is your son you're speaking to."_

_"My son." She repeated. "Who drove my car into a convenience store and attempted to steal the ATM. Who impregnated a gentile who wasn't even his girlfriend. Who, up until this summer, was the constant gossip among the women at the hair salon. About the sexual prowess of the young pool boy with the mohawk. Rachel, honey, you're a nice girl with wonderful talent. Learn from my mistakes. Don't let yourself get tied down in this town. Noah is nothing but the reincarnation of his father."_

_"Mom." Sarah gasped with a choked sob._

_"That is quite enough." Rachel snapped. "I may not have a mother, but I know this is not how they're supposed to talk to their children. And furthermore, you're a fool if you think that a person is defined by their past."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"I believe you heard me. I love your son. So much. And I do not...I will not listen to anyone insult him. Not my fathers, not the kids at school, and I won't hear it from you either. You're his mother. You should know better than anyone what a good heart he has."_

_"How dare you." Debbie growled in Puckerman fashion. "How dare you make me out to be a bad mother after all I've been through with Noah."_

_"Excuse me for saying so, but usually when a child has problems, as I will admit Noah has had in the past, it's a direct result of the way they were raised."_

_"Oh well aren't you just so smart. You know, I've heard from so many people what a meschuge you were, but I just thought, 'Eh, she's a nice girl'. Even though sometimes you are a grub, ongeblosn, opnar, and a barimer. I should have known you were just as nischtik as the other girls as soon as I realized you were sneaking into my house and into Noah's bed in the middle of the night like some nafke."_

_Puck knew some of the words his mom just said, but didn't know if Rachel did. She was just staring at Debbie with her mouth hanging open. There was a good ten seconds of solid silence before Rachel took a deep breath and Puck knew something bad was about to happen._

_"Don't you dare speak to me in Yiddish like I have no idea what you're talking about, frecher zwig!"_

_"Oh fuck." Puck muttered. His girlfriend just called his mother a bitch. In Yiddish. Shit was about to get ugly._

_"I could not care less what you or anyone else thinks of me." She continued. "I've gotten very used to people insulting me because of glee club. I just had more respect for you. But clearly, you're just as bad as the cheerleaders and jocks we go to school with. I can just see you now with those bullies, Shlushie in hand. That's all you are Mrs. Puckerman, a big bully. You deserve no respect. You barely deserve my time."_

_"Listen to me you little know-it-all." Debbie was in Rachel's face now. Puck and Sarah were both impressed that she didn't seem to be backing down, though. "You have no right to be in my house, acting like you know everything in the world. I suppose that your fathers let you get away with whatever you want, but I am not gonna be insulted by a girl who just turned 18. You are not welcome in this house anymore. Do you understand me?"_

_Rachel's jaw was set and, if it were possible, she stood a little taller before responding. "That's perfectly fine. I want to be with Noah, not you."_

_"I'd like you to leave now."_

_"Ma." Noah pleaded._

_"Scha!"_

"Do your father and I need to go have a talk with her?" Hiram asked after hearing Rachel's version of the story.

"Mr Berry, lemme interupt here." Puck put a hand over Rachel's mouth, resulting in a death glare. "Ma's only mad at Rach because she one-upped her. She never expected her to understand what she was saying, let alone to hurl a few Yiddish insults back at her. If anything, she loves Rachel more now than she ever has. She's just pissed 'cause her ego's hurt."

"You don't think she's mad at me?" Rachel asked.

"Babe, I think she's scared of you." He chuckled. "No one has ever stood up to her like that. Seriously, Mr. B, it was awesome. Then add to that the fact that you were totally defending the hell outta me. Rach, no one's ever done that for me."

Hiram couldn't help the romantic sigh that excaped him. He loved Noah and couldn't wait for him and Rachel to get married.

"I'll always stand up for you." Rachel told him. "Just like you do for me."

"Okay kids, you don't have to leave." Hiram announced. "No locking the door. Rachel, I know now that you're the troublemaker in this relationship."

Rachel pretended to be offended, but Puck laughed, pushing her up the stairs.


	18. The William McKinley GleeFight Club

Rachel can't remember exactly how the fight started. Maybe she hit her head harder than she thought. It just all happened so fast.

They had gotten to the choir room that afternoon for Glee Club and Mr. Schuester had written on the board that he was going to be late but they should practice for Sectionals. So Rachel, being co-captain got everyone together and started working on the choreography for their final number in which she happened to share a duet with Puck.

Everything was going just fine until the second runthrough when Finn stopped the music halfway through and started yelling about how it was ridiculous that Puck was getting to sing with Rachel when it should be him. That prompted Rachel to start arguing back about how he was being a baby and he needed to accept that someone in the Glee Club is better than him.

Then Finn grabbed her and told her he couldn't stand seeing her dance with another guy when he still loved her, and everything went to hell.

"Hey!" Puck barked. "Get your hands off my girlfriend."

"Hey," Finn responded. "You don't get to control what she does."

"You're the one who keeps putting your hands all over me when I keep telling you to stop it!" Rachel told him.

"You don't mean that." Finn lowered his voice. "I know you love me too, he's just got you brainwashed. Him and Santana. You never used to hang out with trash like that until he got his claws in you."

"I know you didn't just call my girl trash." Sam growled.

"Baby, I got this." Santana assured him. "I know you didn't just call me trash, Finessa. Especially since your daddy is the one who decided he'd rather do drugs than spend time with his freakishly tall kid."

"And you're the nasty whore who's been with every guy and girl in Lima."

"Motherfucker." Sam muttered, lunging forward.

Puck threw his arm out to stop him. "If anyone's gonna punch this loser, it's gonna be me."

"You know, insulting my friends is really not going to earn you any points with me." Rachel told him. "Especially when you're still in my personal space when I told you to back off!"

"Guys, this is ridiculous." Blaine interjected. "We're less than a week from Sectionals. We shouldn't be fighting. And Finn, if Rachel's told you to back off you should respect that."

"Shut up!" All five of them yelled at him, sending him back to Kurt with his tail between his legs.

"I'm going to ask you one more time, Finn." Rachel said. "Stay. Away. From me."

"No." He shook his head. "Not until you're back with me where you belong."

"It's never going to happen." She replied at the same time Puck grabbed the back of Finn's shirt to spin him around and punch him.

Finn shoved Puck back into Sam and from then on, it was two against one. Finn's height did give him somewhat of an adavantage and he elbowed Sam in the ribs hard and shoved Puck against the wall, with his arm on his throat.

"No one fucks with my man!" Santana yelled, dropping to her knees to sink her teeth into Finn's calf.

"Ow!" He kicked his leg and knocked her back at least four feet.

Puck was turning red from the lack of oxygen so Rachel launched herself on Finn's back and wrapped her arms around his own neck, squeezing hard. He let go of Puck and tried shaking her off. She let go when she saw Puck was free and it wound up causing her to be flung off, landing on the floor.

"Did you really just hurt two girls?" Mike asked.

"I didn't mean to! Santana bit me and Rachel was choking me!"

By this time, Sam had recovered from having the wind knocked out of him and he tackled Finn to the ground. Puck knocked him out of the way then and began punching Finn repeatedly in the face.

"Don't ever." Punch. "Put your hands." Punch. "On Rachel again." Punch.

He stood up, satisfied with his work. Finn rolled over to his hands and knees, attempting to get up.

"This is for kicking my girlfriend, asshole." Sam said, kicking him hard in the stomach.

"What's going on here!" Mr. Schuester pushed through the wall of Glee Club members that were watching the scuffle. He looked around, trying to figure out who was in the fight, but he couldn't tell. Santana's hair was only half in her ponytail, Rachel's lip was busted, Sam had a gash over his eye and he was bent over trying to catch his breath, Puck had blood on his shirt and his nose was bleeding, and Finn was in the floor, bloody and panting.

"We're rehearsing for Sectionals." Brittany offered.

"Those four ganged up on poor Finn." Rory tattled.

"That's bullshit, potato boy." Santana spat. "Shut your fucking mouth or else I'm gonna have leprichan blood all over this room."

"Santana!" Mr. Schuester silenced her. "Practice is cancelled. Everyone go home. Except the five of you."

Everyone left the room, grumbling about how they didn't get to see what was going to happen.

"What the hell went on in here?" He said quietly when they were all alone. No one answered. "Nobody? Really?"

"Mr. Schue, you and I both know you're not going to go to Principal Figgins with this because then all of us would be suspended. You can't lose your lead female vocalist and four other members for Sectionals. So let us go home so we can cool off and clean up. You should probably take Finn to the nurse. Tell her he tripped down the stairs or something. It sounds stupid enough to be something he'd do."

Mr. Schuester was red faced. Rachel was right, of course, but it made him really angry. "Fine. All of you go home, calm down and the next practice we have, you had better act like one big happy family. Understand?"

The teens all nodded and left his office, except Finn.

"Well that was the most fun I've had in Glee club all year." Santana chuckled. "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah." Sam grumbled. "I just wanna get outta here. You guys alright?"

Rachel and Puck nodded and Sam and Santana left.

"Are you okay?" Puck asked Rachel. "I can't believe he threw you in the floor."

"That's not exactly what happened, but yes I'm fine." She assured him. "Don't worry about me. It's you I'm worried about. You're bleeding everywhere."

He rolled his eyes. "Baby, I'm in fight club. This is nothin'. Is your nose alright?"

She giggled. "Fine. I bit through my lip when I hit the floor. Were you proud of my choke hold?"

He smiled. "Very. Thanks for savin' me."

"Anytime. But we should probably get out of here before Mr. Schue and Finn come out. I don't wanna see him and Mr. Schue's eventually going to realize that just because he can't turn us in to Figgins doesn't mean he can't punish us."

"Take me to your house and nurse my wounds?" He asked.

"I thought you said they were no big deal?"

He smirked. "Suddenly I'm feeling dizzy. And I think I hear a ringing in my ears. I should probably spend the night. You're dads are out of town right?"

She laughed and looped her arm through his. "Come on, you big baby. I'll take care of you."


End file.
